Pain is really bad right now,

The hospital have wanted me to have both lower legs Amputated on several occassions, If they were to ask about my left one today, I'd say yes,  

I have a wretched headache too,

Oh well club to cheer me up ....   

Good Night at Club yesterday, and a very stimulating amd useful lecture from Duncan  M0ORL, Thankyou Duncan,

JAPAN and the Earthquake,

I do not understand how the Japanese government or anyone else expects us to believe a death toll of 2.500, seeing the total devastion, and watching video of the moment ENTIRE villages, Towns and small Cities were SWEPT AWAY by the Tsunami, it is so totally obvious the number is MUCH MUCH higher,

A town, totally flattened with just just a handful of people wandering around dazed, where there had been 30,000 people before last Friday,

In all honest a figure of 250,000 might be nearer the mark, and though the Japanese goverment was very quick to reszpond, with massive aid from the military and the police, there are still many many areas of the NW Coast of Japan that remain unreached, unaided and the dead and lost uncounted,

International aid has arrived but hope of survivors has gone, Why were saerch and rescue not there next day, by now this should be possible!  

The great tradgedy that may still unfold, is the meltdown of a Nuclear Power Station, and a leak of Radiation that may yet kill many more, Just very very slowly,

Japan's situation is beyond all sympathy, how can anyone express enough for the people who are currently effected, over 500,000 Homeless,

JAPAN needs HELP NOW !!!  

Please find a way to help, DONATE   ....   MONEY, Food, Shelter, Clothing, find out where to do these things, hjow no matter how little you can do, ALL donations help, PLEASE Give NOW,

Whatever the TRUE numbers of dead, JAPAN is still very very much in need of URGENT help,

We are all having a hard time financially at the moment, But really can you imagine for yourself if your need was like that of the Japanese people, PLEASE give ANYTHING you can,

OK enough of that,

A reasonable morning for me, with moderate pain,

Japan's misery seems to be growing day by day, The whole world should unite to help the People of Japan, Donating Money, Food, Medical Supplies, and Shelter as well as anything else needed !    

We can ALL find a way to help with this, Right ?

It seems inconsequential by comparrison but my Pain level is high this morning, I'm alone, except for Delta, I WON'T give in to it, but I do wonder where to find the strength to fight,

Friendship, Love and Solidarity helps, Yeah Corny I know, but it is true, Yesterday 2 very special friends got in touch having read this blog, One shares a knowledge of pain, loneliness, and dsespair, even knowing I'm not alone brings a comfort pain meds can't provide, and a renewed vigour in fighting the decline,

But don't feel empathy for me, right now, find some small way to help Japan, their need is NOW !

Pain is moderately bad this morning,

Had a poor nights sleep,

But still hoping to go to the Leicestershire Family History Society open day with John, my friend from the Radio Club, I have traced Wendie's paternal line back to 1600, my own family I'm having little success, typical LOL,

Japan, the earthquake, total dead so far exceeds 10,000, they think half of one small town may have been killed, that alone would be 10,000 !  

Most of the dead are not directly due to the quake, but from the devastating Tsunami, Makes my problems seem totally insignificant, my thoughts, prayers and hopes are in Japan,

Dosed up on my meds to cope with the exertions of my day out,

Drink and Chat with John this afternoon, we set the world to rights,

Pain free so far this afternoon,

Awake very early, but what sleep I got was quality sleep, Pain level is moderate this morning, Managing to stay comfortable, my breathing is a bit difficult, chest got very very tight last night, not so bad this morning,

Wendie should have been at work last night, but had the night off, that was nice,  

Delta politely (Not !) refused the attention of a Husky yesterday, She looked pleased with herself, LOL,  

Watched the TV news, I feel for the people of Japan, The casualty numbers are increasing, still can't get to some areas so extent of damage etc unclear, They have officially asked for international help now,

Also feel for the people of Libya, the Rebellion appears unfortunately to be faltering, It's time we the people of the world helped I wish millions of us could just go there and help by joining the protests, bolstering the numbers, and making it impossible for the current government to regain power, NO need for military intervention, just the support of world citizens, Neiave I know, but one solution, risky to those who go, but I really wish we could make it happen, for the people of Libya!

Well an eventful day, poor Wendie is shattered, and I'm having to fight the pain which has been welling up all evening,

Please don't think I'm whinging, I live with the pain, but it is a struggle, and there's lots of it, It's not always easy to be HAPPY about fairly constant chronic pain,

I liken the neuropathy pain to having Molten Lava or an Acid flowing through the veins in my legs, the burning sensation is OFTEN intolerable,

Another day survived, Another day to be grateful for,

Nights Sleep was rather broken, but comfortable, pain was up a bit after going to bed, but still got off ok, awoke this morning fairly comfortable, but breathless, am ok though,

Massive 8.9 Quake in Japan, Looks really bad, worse still the Tsunami that followed, swept EVERYTHING away, a second Tsunami may be coming, thoughts with all there, also the first Tsunami may hit the whole Pacific Region, Hope our Aussie friends are all ok,

Breakfast time, I need to keep my stomach in the style of life it's used to,

Pain levels today so far anyway are tolerable, I haven't done much though, have to start Wendie's dinner soon, at least standing cooking shouldn't be a problem today,

I hate the Internet, I keep seeing new TOYS I want but can't afford, been drooling over a Software Defined Radio, oh well maybe one day, after all not long had a new laptop, so I should be satisfied, but hey I LOVE gadgets  hehehe ! 

Delta the dog has been cuddling up with me most of the day, that's kind of comforting,

Slept heavily, unfortunately not for too long, oh well, also a bit sore and aching all over, at least the Neuropathy pains are minimal at the moment,  

Still considering posting my account of living with PTSD, I'll give it a few days, truth is I don't think anyone else is even reading this, yeah I know it's boring, but I needed a release, at times things were just getting too much, so hence I post my musings here, hey it's Cathartic right ?  

Living with PAIN really is a pain, and a lot more soul destroying than you can imagine, it creeps into so many areas of your life, Diabetes, day to day, is not such a bother, but the costs of poor control and it's side effects are often devastating, even if only emotionally,

Add them all up, with various other illness's, and life can become quite difficult,

Crying your eyes out, telling your adoring and adorable wife and soulmate that you can't cope anymore, begging them to end it for you, yeah I know, selfish, but sometimes, well sometimes you just can't escape the pain and the helplessness,

I wake somedays deciding I'm going to stop being a Diabetic because I don;t like it !  

But today, So far is a GOOD day, and I'm coping, today I want to carry on, today Life is a positive experience,

Well a comfortable evening, the pain has hung around, but I've managed to control it, so a pleasant evening with Wendie for company,

A while back, I started writing, what I hoped would become a book, but a few bad days in a row, and I as usual lost my impetus and couldn't get back in the grove,

It was about a real life incident 30 years ago while serving in the Army, I suffered PTSD and Depression as a consequence and was in hospital for sometime afterwards,

I doubt I'll ever finish it, but the little I have started, I thought of putting here in small chunks, I'll think on it !  

Well early start tomorrow, desperately need sleep, Goodnight,  

Gritting my teeth, and struggling to deal with the pain, Day hasn't really got any better, am alone too sop brooding a little, Sorry,

The pain came back, Not looking forward to the night,

I had hoped for another night free of it,

Oh well, Pain tells me I'm still alive!

She's Home,

Well they kept her overnight, prodded and poked, drained her of pints of blood so she'd have me believe, and then sent her home, not really sure yet as to why her heart was slow,

So tired and weary, but safely sat at home Hooray,

I'm very tired today, not slept at all well for days, but thankfully the pain levels have been pretty good again today,

So all in all life is good today !

They kept mum in hospital, no further news yet,

Goodnight at Radio Club, the new club website was launched, the presentation by Kelvin G4ZTD and Mike M6MDR went down very very well,

Only a little pain today, 

God Bless Mum  -  Sleep Well

Well Good Morning World !

I had so little sleep last night, and I am so desperately tired, but other than that I feel GOOD !

Sometimes living with Diabetes is a real pain, and I often want to just stop being a Diabetic   ...   If only!
Peripheral Neuropathy, a side effect of poor diabetes control plays the biggest part in my life, PAIN, fills my world, but when you wake and there is NO pain that morning, then believe me you feel like celebrating, 

A friend, older than me, more advanced in the deterioration, had his lower leg amputated under a year ago, it got to him, He appears to be giving up, today I can fight, lets hope it stays that way!!!!!!

The Pain has defeated the meds, 3 hours for next dose, trying hard to distract myself,

In a world where things sometimes seem hopeless, often there is a ray of sunshine, an act of Kindess and Love, the tenderness of a friend, the Good Morning Kiss of a wife, and suddenly, a Smile and a Tear shjare the same face, and the day seems warmer, lighter,  more palitable and comfortable,

Maybe pain wont suddenly disappear but bearing it that day becomes just a teeny bit easier, and maybe the sky seems to have less clouds hanging over you,

Life is about making the most of what you have, reality isn't always that easy, But right now I can conquer entire universes, because the love of a wife and that of a dear friend give hope that today IS worth living!