Went out for a cup of tea with John yesterday, very pleasant time, These escapes from the four walls are important to me, It's so nice having someone to talk too,

Again a boring day today, I so wish I had a working Amateur Radio Station, there's so much I want to do !

Breasthing problems have been really bad the last few days, making walking more than a few steps impossible,

Well folks, not been a lot to write about lately, life is on something of a plateau and I spend my days getting the dressing on my leg changed, It's healing well, but so very slowly ! 

I wish I had a purpose in life, I feel like I exist for the sake of it, all I really want is to be of value, It doesn't help that I'm so bored, never having anything to do, I don't even have a working Amateur Radio Station to keep my Mind Body and Soul busy occassionally,

I guess once again I'm just feeling sorry for myself, I know I shouldn't, but I just want a reason to wake up each day, because right now, I can't think of one !

I'm so bored, stuck here ast home alone with Delta the Dog, missed out on Tea with John as I'm Dog Sitting, she has Seperation Anxiety ! 

Also meant I missed going to District Nurses yesterday, so my dressing didn't get changed, and that means keeping it on for 5 days instead of 2, oh well couldn't be helped ! 

Club (LRS) last night, it was our  "Quarterly Open Meeting", as usual Apathy Rules, and the membership were as interested and helpful as a "Chocolate Teapot",   

Why do people moan and groan thier not getting what they want, but then refuse to help or join in or be part of any effort made ???

Are people REALLY that stupid !   

Do they NEVER appreciate the efforts others make for them ?  

Moan over,

Had a quiet and reflective day today, It's too hot, I'm uncomfortable, Don't feel like doing anything, 

Went for Coffee with John this afternoon, pleasent way to waste 90 minutes anyway, catching up with the gossip LOL !

Not really a lot to say, Lifes a bit dull at the moment, trying to find something to keep my brain ticking over    ....    If thats at all possible !   

District Nurse again today, the leg is coming along in leaps and bounds, daily improvement seems the "NORM" now, so before too long this will all be over   ....   I hope !  

Really really bad headache today, it's the heat and sunshine, just too much for me, Bring on the Snow LOL !

WOW !   

Well it seems the leg is finally over the hill and finally healing properly, and at a pace too, so hopefully not too much longer visiting Hospital, Doctors and District Nurses ! 

You know that during this problem with my leg I've realised just how many people care, and certain special friends have been very very supportive, despite all that's been happening in thier own lives,

Friends from MobileRead forums and from LRS have especially been fantastic, with the most wonderful people from Australia, Ireland and Hinckley here in the East Midlands and several in the USA,

One from Hinckley lost her Mum this week, All our prayers and thoughts and especially our Love are with with her at this time, We will be there if ever you need us dear friend !

My Irish friend always understands, always has a way to make me smile and never forgets, I hope only that I'm half the friend she is to me !

And finally a friend in Australia, I call her my Sister because she has been more supportive, more of a friend and more everything than any genetic Sister ever has !   

I hope these and many others will know just what they mean to me   ....   Always ! 

GB0APS    


                A great success on day 1, Russia, Germany (Many Times), Belguim, Holland, Scotland, Wales, Guernsey, Eire, Northen Ireland, and a lot of southern England worked in very difficult conditions, Many people visited,

Lets hope tomorrow is another Big Success   !  

Leg is exuding rather a lot, Not progressing very quickly, but at least it's not dropped off   ...   Yet ! 

Just had a bad Hypo, my fault, had my insulin, then was busy on computer, talking to freind John, forgot to have my Dinner, suddenly realised I was dropping rapidly,

I'm OK now   ...   LOL !   

GB0APS the special event station running from tomorrow, I'm looking forward too it,  Keep me out of mischief at least !

Apathy Rules, that and lots on my mind has meant that I haven't posted for several days, nothing really wrong, just nothing I really wanted to share or talk about, Hey sometimes I just want to be alone OK ?

Special Event Station  part of International Museums Weekend 

http://www.ukradioamateur.co.uk/imw/page4.htm


at Leicester's Abbey Pumping Station  

http://www.leicester.gov.uk/your-council-services/lc/leicester-city-museums/museums/abbey-pumping-station/

running this weekend, I'll be one of the operators from Leicester Radio Society

 http://g3lrs.co.uk/home 

lets hope for really good weather and lots of members of the public to visit and take a look at what we are doing, 

We will be found on 80, 40, 20m SSB and possibly also SSTV, PSK, RTTY, If you have facilities listen out for us on Saturday and Sunday!

Hospital today, It went ok, I was seen very quickly which is always a blessing, I hate sitting around those places for hours on end,

The leg IS healing, but they are concerned that it's taking so long, we knew it would be a long while, with the Diabetes and this being a Tertiary Closure, but it is still taking longer than they expected, the last few inches just don't want to knit together, On the positive, they are now using much smaller simpler dressings, more comfortable, no bulky over-tight bandages etc.

I'm feeling quite low,  

Tomorrow is another day, District Nurses in the afternoon,

Had a good evening at club, I was very glad to see an old member has come back to the club,

I had a small hypo, I'm ok, had glucose with me, ate when I got home, not really a lot to say this evening,

Hospital first thing, I'll be glad when all this is finished,  

I'm so tired !  

Didn't go to District Nurse, I'm at the Hospital in the morning anyway, so no real bother, I just didn't feel well and the trek to the Doctors and back was too much for me!

Looking Forward to club tonight, I need some companionship, and I might get to operate Digimodes, I wish I had a working HF Radio of my own, not likely in the near future that's for sure! 

My legs hurting, It's not severe, but annoying,

Took a week off from posting, dashing from appointment to appointment left me really tired and mentally drained, but I'm back,

Club tonight, and before that it's the District Nurses to change my dressing etc.

I'm a liuttle concerned the leg is not quite right, Hospital tomorrow, so i'll soon find out if it's ok !

I haven't heard any news broadcasts, not sure how things are in Germany, I hope there are no new cases of E-Coli, thoughts and prayers are with the victims and thier families,   

I'm so very tired,

Just me and the dog home today, loneliness swept through my every feeling,

The leg appears reddened above and below my dressing, I'm keeping an eye on the situation, due to see the District Nurse tomorrow to have it re-dressed, so should be ok,

Missing Wendie lots, she won't be home for another 7 hours,

About lunchtime have to test my blood sugars, 6.7 mmol per litre, a good reading, wish they were always so good, my diabetic control is very poor !   

I seem to have quite a few viewers from Germany recently, So Hello and Thank You Germany !   

The recent E-Coli outbreak there is a real tragedy, I feel for the families of those who died or became very very ill due to the outbreak, 

I know every effort is being made to find the source and to stop it spreading further, good luck I hope you solve the problem real soon, 

My leg is sore this morning, the pain is minimal, but uncomfortable, I'm worrying about my Haemaglobin, Potassium and Iron levels, all of which are abnormal, I'm kind of scared, but hey, the care I'm getting is fantastic,

Andy Murray lost in the Semi Final of the French Open, Shame, Lets hope he has all cylinders firing for the fast approaching Wimbledon ! 

Coffee with John later, a little something to look forwartd too, I finished producing the club leaflet for the International Museums Weekend yesterday, It will hopefully explain to visitors why we are there at Leicesters Abbey Pumping Station, We will be running GB0APS and we will I think be found on 80, 40 and 20m bands using SSB and SSTV and maybe also PSK31,

I'm off to watch my cooking program on TV post later all being well !

3 Seperate appointments today, for different things at the GP's, I'm worn out already,

The bad news is my Haemaglobin count is still very low, and they dont know why, same with my Iron levels, and unfortunately my Potassium levels are very high again, Looks like blood test every other day, and might have to be daily   ...   yet more appointments at the Dr's Surgery    ....    As if I don't see enough of the ploace already LOL !   

District Nurse this afternoon, Hopefully the leg HASN'T fell off yet !

I'll post later,

Well, I am definitely getting back to normal, I even feeling good, and looking forward to the new day !

It's two years to the day since I lost a very dear friend, I forgot what date it was today, her husband also a dear friend reminded me, not a great start, lets hope I don't make anymore Faux Par's today, besides today's not about me, but two of the most wonderful people ever to have walked this earth,

I love them both, even if I forget today's date ! 

OK well I know I've been a little lax in putting posts up, things kind of got on top of me, and I was finding talking about things more and more difficult,

But hey I'm here, Tuesday was a good day for me, It seems the leg is healing, there is a portion of it that's giving a bit of trouble, but it does now look like it will heal eventually, and the skin graft now seems a lot less likely,

Things must be getting better, I've been in a lot of pain since yesterday, Not from the wound, but in both legs from my USUAL peripheral neuropathy pains, being in pain isn't fun, but it does mean things are getting back to "Normal !",   

I also don't have to go to the hospital so often, 3 weeks (That's now 2 weeks tomorrow), and the consultant is hoping I'll pretty much be healed by then, I think that's optomistic, but hey we'll soon see right ?

I want to thank you all for your support, without it I'd never have managed, there have been people who have done so much, too many to name, but John, Jayne and Stephen, John and Dot, Fortunate, Leicester Radio Society Members, The folks on Mobile Read, Vicki,  Mum, Wendie and Dayne,  If I haven't named you, please forgive me, I'm a forgetful old soul, and all support has been very very much appreciated,

Stick with me, forgive my ups and downs, we are getting there,

Thanks Again 

Rae, I will be in touch, just a bit down right now,

Sorry I've not kept up the posts, Tuesday went really well, But right now I'm struggling for mental energy, and don't feel a lot like talking, give me a few days folks, I'll bounce right back, Don't really have a choice right ?  

Generally very stiff and sore this morning,

District Nurse Clinic this afternoon, dressing will get changed, and I'll see if it's any worse !  

Tuesday is Judgement Day, Review and Assessment by the Orthopods at the Hospital,

What will they do ?  

Nervous (Slightly),

REPRIEVED ... Not kept in, Swabbed, Cleaned thouroughly, Redressed,

District Nurse Clinic Tomorrow,

Hospital to see the Orthopods on Tuesday .... They will decide whether I need admission and further treatment, !   
Fingers Crossed Please that I stay a free man    ...    Here's hoping anyway !!!!   

While I'm waiting to go to casualty, I want to post, not about me, but about standing firmly with the People of Syria against the goverment there, and it's violation of human rights,

Like lots of the middle east tghe ordinary people of these countries are fighting for thier very survival, please lets let them know we are with them in any way we can!

Nurses took one look, and are sending me to Casualty for review, luckily it was the same ones as yesterday so they could seer the level of deterioration,

Wish me luck, Hoping against hope they wont keep me in, or need to do the Skin Graft !  

May be a while before I can post again, if they don't keep me in I will post later,

Thanks for your support,

Waiting for district nurses,

Dressing is already a mess after just 24 Hours, Wound leaking badly,

Keep fingers crossed all will be ok,

I Really DON'T want to end up back in hospital !

Today was bad, The wound is now rather painful, it's opened up even more, and the oozing is looking distinctly nastier, I am being monitered daily now, and it looks very much like I will go back into hospital, there the wound will be cleaned closed and a skin graft applied to help closing/healing, they had warned this might be needed due to the secondary closure and the problems of healing as a diabetic,

I hate the idea of going back in, but needs must, and it's unlikely to be before tuesday when I'm due there for review,  

I will keep you informed as and when I can ! 

I was unfortunately right, the wound has opened up too much, luckily nothing nasty coming out, but as a pecaution the GP has put me back on 2 Antibiotics, in case anything gets into the wound, plus I developed a reaction to my dressings, and they had to change what was being put on it,

Also I now have to see the District Nurses daily,

They want to review daily, and if need be put me back in hospital, not a prospect I relish,

Todays been ok, but I'm so tired,

If only I was "NORMAL" !  

The healing process appears to have had a slight set back, I'm leaking badly from the wound, it's increasing NOT decreasing, they had warned that SECONDARY CLOSURE in other wards re-opening then re-closing might cause healing to be much much slower and less effective too,

I'm having problems because I can't get the dressing re-done every 2 days as per the surgeons instructions, the District nurses can only do it every 3 or 4 days, soi a very wet dressing against the wound day after day, it dries and hardens, thyen gets soaked again, this becomes very very uncomfortable, and irritates the skin, plus the dressing becomes far too tight, hurting the leg,

They still haven't sorted my Potassium levels, or explained why, or what thier plan is, they haven't even discussed diet with me, and I have heard nothing more about having colonoscopy and or endoscopy done to find a reason for my Aneamia, the source of a bleed ? etc etc!  

I really wish this was over, I'll grin and bear it, but I wish there was an ending to look forward too,

Unhappily, I have also just resigned from the committee of my local amateur radio club, Leicester Radio Society, over the last few years this club has been my whole life, beibg involved, learning, taking part, meeting the few friends I have, the only time I get out for weeks on end, but with my recent and long term health issues, and certain changes and dissagreements within the club, I felt it time to step back from the committee, It's heartbreaking,

Not my best day, but hey, my dearest friend, and in my mind my adopted sister, always makes me smile, one way or another, every few days, in her emails, I also get a kick in  the pants from her if I'm wallowing too much in self pity, so smile or boot which is to come, I'll soon see, LOL,

Stop by soon, I'll keep you up to date with all that happens,

My Long Absence !

OK Sorry everyone for the long absence, It’s rather a long tale,

You may have picked up I wasn’t feeling great in my last few posts, well it turns out that there was lot’s going on with my body, lots of not good stuff, some of it my fault, some of it was not preventable,

Anyway, having felt generally unwell for several weeks, and being rather down mood wise, I developed Cellulitis in my lower right leg, and after 2 or 3 days it got bad, the weekend stopped me going to my GP,  so now the swelling and pain was horrendous, and I woke Monday planning to go see the doctor, but found I was unable to weight bare, or stand, walking was certainly out!

We called an ambulance, and I was rushed to hospital, well sort of   …   as I’m over weight, the Paramedics were unable to take me down the stairs to our flat, so unable to walk, I was forced into the indignity of coming down the stairs (2 large flights) on my butt!

I was virtually in tears, and hated every inch of that journey,

In hospital, they treated me for the cellulitis, an in growing toenail, and discovered I was Keto-Acidotic as well, this was caused by my blood sugars being very high, I’m a type 2 Diabetic, treated with Insulin and Metformin,

I responded well to treatment, but started to Hypo a lot, they seemed to think I was overdosing on my insulin, after 16 – 17 years as a diabetic! So they took over control of my insulin, this did not solve the problem,

Then a bright spark SHO (Senior House Officer) decided to STOP my insulin all together, not gradually but all of a sudden, Great idea, I then developed Hyperkalaemia, High potassium levels in the blood, due to lack of insulin, they hooked me to an ECG machine all day as they feared I would drop dead from a heart attack at any moment, they were slightly worried as they had caused this condition,

My bloods were messed up too, suddenly I was low in Haemoglobin levels, and Iron, I was anaemic my day was getting worse, I only went in with cellulitis and an ingrowing toenail, now I was about to die,

My very poor history health wise complicated everything, and when they started to cure my pain, they thought that was it, except the pain came back much much worse, and no-one would listen, for four days no-one listened,

The Nursing assistants, blindly made me get out of bed each morning, despite my protest of extreme pain, they even started NOT making my bed to keep me off of it, the qualified nurses didn’t listen, nor did the junior doctors, for four days I was tortured with agonising unbearable pain, I cried, begged, even got on my unmade bed that was raised far too high to try and avoid the suffering,

On the fifth day, I finally managed to get the consultant to look, I begged, I explained the pain, showed her the leg, after a few seconds, she said, YES, something’s not right there!

At last, someone listened, and after investigation, it was found to be a COLLECTION, a very very large ABSCESS covering the whole front of my lower right leg, they cut and drained, cutting from knee to ankle, and let out more than half a litre of PUSS, after the operation, complicated a lot by my breathing, heart,and lung problems, Chronoic Sleep Apnea and epilepsy etc,

I was in recovery for over 4 hours,

They told me it was the largest leg abscess they had ever seen, half a litre of puss hanging from every nerve and blood vessel in the front of the lower leg explained my extreme agony,

My leg started to heal well, they sewed it up, but next day opened out many of the stitches to allow drainage, then over a number of days stitched it back up in several stages,

With all the problems I was in hospital 3 ½ weeks (25 days), but I came out on Friday evening, Monday I was due to see the GP, oh the whole episode was laughable, but my potassium levels scared the doctor, and I’m in and out of hospital and his clinic for tests , reviews and re-dressings,

Oh, the consultant who listened told me she was glad I drew her attention to the problem, as left for another 2 or 3 days the leg would probably have developed gangrene, and I would have lost it below the knee at least, she commented I should have said something earlier   …   EARLIER; they took nearly 5 days to listen, my life hung in the balance, as did my leg, and they still haven’t cured my potassium problem, even though it was caused by them, they did restart my insulin, exactly as it was before! And I am in control of it,

Where my leg should have healed in 2-3 weeks, being Diabetic means it could take months to heal properly, it will be a long road to recovery, I am still very weakened, and very wobbly on my legs,

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not really moaning, and most of the staff was fantastic, but I was suffering agony for days, and absolutely NO-ONE listened, it was a form of Torture!   

I have my leg, my life and I’m getting there, so in reality, I’m happy,

Forgive my absence, I hope you understand why, and in the 9 days since I left hospital, I only just felt ready to put all this down,

Thanks for dropping by, come back soon,

I know a few friends are reading this blog,

I know others are visiting, but are they BOTS ???  are they people ?  does anyone care ?

Just an occassional comment, even negative one's that are constructive,

I poor out my heart and Soul,

Do you listen ???  

Would anyone  please just tell me !

The Middle East has seen an awful lot of unrest of late,

To my comfortable western eyes, that's nothing but good ! 

Of course I'm not the one suffering,

And MOST of the regimes in the Middle East currently are oppressive and rotten to the core,

I can only urge each of you to SUPPORT the uprisings / revolutions / demonstrations 

The peoples of these countries have long since suffered,

NOW is the time for CHANGE,

Democracy, Liberty and Freedom for ALL the peoples of the Middle East    ....    TODAY is the day !! 

Sorry folks, I have been really quite ill for a week almost, severral things rearing ugly heads at the same time, but really severe Flu like symptoms complicating everything, so have been unable to keep up the posts here,

Thankfully I have come through it and am feeling much much better, I do have a problem with my leg, and I need to see the docter asap,   I am in a lot of pain in the one leg, but hey that's really very little collateral damage considering how ill I had been,

Anyway, it feels great to be back, and able to tell it like it is,

Thanks for being patient !   

Today,

I think is the most physically painful day of my life,

And I've had a few, believe me ! 

Literally every single joint in my body is hurting, every bone every muscle,

I am not exaggerating or imagining it, this is the resultant pains of many combined problems,  

And I have not had a seconds relief,

I'm surprisingly coping, managing not to scream at Wendie to put me out of it, 

The day is sinking into evening, my pain is getting steadily worse, and I pray to survive one more day,  

I think my big toe is becoming necrotic,

And it's not the Pain that's made me ANGRY !!! 

I was assessed today, by Telephone, I don't meet the requirements for extra assistance, despite my heart. lung, breathing troubles, Diabetes , peripheral neuropathy, retinopathy (I'm going blind), I'm a stroke victim (at age 35), epileptic, Asthmatic, I have falls too regularly, depression, PTSD, I have problems walking, I'm afraid to leave home alone, to name just a few of my troubles and disabilities,

Ok I don't need any help,

I'm so glad I'm coping so well !!! 

And when they DO eventually amputate my lower legs, will I need help then ??? 

Of course I DO consider myself LUCKY !

Pain is bad today, Managed to go to club, but pain was the dominant feeling of the day, hey I'm still kicking, so things can't be so bad ! 

I don't always know why, but today I feel so much better, I'm in lot's of pain, almost unbearable pain to be honest,

But I've had support from my darling wife, my dearest of friends, and I went over to Club earlier and did some operating on the radio, preparing for my Talk / Lecture, I spoke to someone in Russia (Moscow), Poland, Spain and Romania, not bad for one short afternoons experimenting with the setup, with John there too, it was very pleasent,

If your a Radio Amateur like me, and interested in Digimodes (PSK, RTTY, SSTV etc.), take a look at G3LIV (Johnny Melvin) and his interfaces, They are Brilliant and work faultlessly, ans cusomer service is unbeatable, 

So as you see, I'm slowly crawling out of the dark place, Oh if you read and want to know about eBooks or eBook Readers then look at the forums etc on   http://www.mobileread.com/  a great friendly community with much info and help, and I have friemds there who have been so so supportive, 

Oh and the new friend I reached out my hand too, please feel free to get in touch ANYTIME, you will find broad shoulders and big ears   ...   perfect for listening !  

Clocks go Forward 1 Hour Tonight !  

Pain has been bad today, I'm copimg,

Held out a hand of friendship today,

To a new friend who needed love and understanding more than I did,

Wendie's working nights again, missing her loads,  

Coffee with John earler, that was nice, but I'm so tired and drained,

May go to club tomorrow Sunday to test out my Digimode Setup on the new laptop before I give my Talk / Lecture there on the 25th April 

I need sleep only managed 2 Hours Total last night / today

Survival is all that matters,

Today I survived,

And tomorrow still exists !  

Pain and Tiredness are winning,   

I'm lost,  

I'm finding this hard right now, I guess you may have realised, There's a lot going on in my life,

But I need to say, I am NOT unlucky,

I have LOVE around me, more than many people ever see,

Not only do I have the worlds loveliest wife, but I have friends, and particularly a friend I see as my SISTER, who always seems to know when I need a hug, when I need a kick up the backside, or when I just need to be alone, and this is someone who is so very very busy, and has her own issues too,

Meanwhile the pain is bad, my breathing is very bad, walking to the bathroom and back is exhausting me, and leaving me drained,

I'm not coping, I don't know what else can be done, I see no positive change in my future,

The love around me is all I have between hope and hopelessness!

And to another friend, another Ham who shares the loneliness of health issues, I'm sorry I will be in touch, It's been difficult to keep up the contacts I want too!  

Hey enough WALLOWING in self pity, I am still here, and this blog takes away a little of the stress, a little of the despair, thanks for listening,    

In a time when so many are suffering so greatly in many parts of the world,especially in Libya and even more so in Japan,

I really hate feeling sorry for myself!

But the loneliness and the despair of pain drags me down day after day, 

Today hasn't been that bad, as things go, but today I'm tired, physically tired, so tired I feel like crying, and mentally tired of seeing no change, of nothing improving or helpiung,

I'm tired of the latest witchhunt  against "Fat People",  

I rarely leave my home, I'm afraid of the taunting and teasing, I'm afraid of the problems I have walking and breathing,

I fall, that scares me, yeah I know , grow up!  

Man Up! 

In one fall a few weeks back, I couldn't even get up, so lucky Wendie was there,

I panick too,


Don't think I don't know I'm selfish, I do!  

I'd give my right arm to help in Japan or Libya, to help others to forget my pain,  

I'd just like to make the most of my life,

And to be Useful for the first time in nearly 12 years!  

Pain is really bad right now,

The hospital have wanted me to have both lower legs Amputated on several occassions, If they were to ask about my left one today, I'd say yes,  

I have a wretched headache too,

Oh well club to cheer me up ....   

SORRY  -  Internet connection was down for days  -  It's a "Pay as You Go !" connection and funds were short,

Anyway I'm back and kicking ! 

Radio Club tonight, Committee meeting, I'm secretary for trhe meeting,

Back Later  -  Lots to do !   

2 Survivors Found in JAPAN !!!  

HOORAY !!!   

http://www.redcross.org.uk/japantsunami/?approachcode=68836_yahoojapan  

just 1 of many ways to help !!! 

Good Night at Club yesterday, and a very stimulating amd useful lecture from Duncan  M0ORL, Thankyou Duncan,

JAPAN and the Earthquake,

I do not understand how the Japanese government or anyone else expects us to believe a death toll of 2.500, seeing the total devastion, and watching video of the moment ENTIRE villages, Towns and small Cities were SWEPT AWAY by the Tsunami, it is so totally obvious the number is MUCH MUCH higher,

A town, totally flattened with just just a handful of people wandering around dazed, where there had been 30,000 people before last Friday,

In all honest a figure of 250,000 might be nearer the mark, and though the Japanese goverment was very quick to reszpond, with massive aid from the military and the police, there are still many many areas of the NW Coast of Japan that remain unreached, unaided and the dead and lost uncounted,

International aid has arrived but hope of survivors has gone, Why were saerch and rescue not there next day, by now this should be possible!  

The great tradgedy that may still unfold, is the meltdown of a Nuclear Power Station, and a leak of Radiation that may yet kill many more, Just very very slowly,

Japan's situation is beyond all sympathy, how can anyone express enough for the people who are currently effected, over 500,000 Homeless,

JAPAN needs HELP NOW !!!  

Please find a way to help, DONATE   ....   MONEY, Food, Shelter, Clothing, find out where to do these things, hjow no matter how little you can do, ALL donations help, PLEASE Give NOW,

Whatever the TRUE numbers of dead, JAPAN is still very very much in need of URGENT help,

We are all having a hard time financially at the moment, But really can you imagine for yourself if your need was like that of the Japanese people, PLEASE give ANYTHING you can,

OK enough of that,

A reasonable morning for me, with moderate pain,

Added the content of my latest attempt to write a book, Life in general and Pain in particular got in the way and brought it to a premature end, So I thought I'd share it with you, it's under the title A Quarter of a Second, in the Pages list on the top  right of this page, take a look !

Yesterday I spent and extremely interesting afternoon at Beauchamp College in Leicester UK, for the :-  

Leicestershire and Rutland Family History Society  -  Open Day !  

The whole thing was interesting, informative and a really nice social occassion, the talks in the afternoon were very very good,

Best of all there was no cost to get in, though I did make a donation,

Thankyou to LRFHS for all their efforts in organising the event, and for the support, resources and expertese to help those of us exloring our Family History,

There is a link to their website on the right in my Links list, visit them, or your local society and find out more about Family History ! 

Japan's misery seems to be growing day by day, The whole world should unite to help the People of Japan, Donating Money, Food, Medical Supplies, and Shelter as well as anything else needed !    

We can ALL find a way to help with this, Right ?

It seems inconsequential by comparrison but my Pain level is high this morning, I'm alone, except for Delta, I WON'T give in to it, but I do wonder where to find the strength to fight,

Friendship, Love and Solidarity helps, Yeah Corny I know, but it is true, Yesterday 2 very special friends got in touch having read this blog, One shares a knowledge of pain, loneliness, and dsespair, even knowing I'm not alone brings a comfort pain meds can't provide, and a renewed vigour in fighting the decline,

But don't feel empathy for me, right now, find some small way to help Japan, their need is NOW !

Pain is moderately bad this morning,

Had a poor nights sleep,

But still hoping to go to the Leicestershire Family History Society open day with John, my friend from the Radio Club, I have traced Wendie's paternal line back to 1600, my own family I'm having little success, typical LOL,

Japan, the earthquake, total dead so far exceeds 10,000, they think half of one small town may have been killed, that alone would be 10,000 !  

Most of the dead are not directly due to the quake, but from the devastating Tsunami, Makes my problems seem totally insignificant, my thoughts, prayers and hopes are in Japan,

Dosed up on my meds to cope with the exertions of my day out,

Local Family History Society Open Day Tomorrow  ....   Should be interesting,  Hope my legs hold out !

Drink and Chat with John this afternoon, we set the world to rights,

Pain free so far this afternoon,

Awake very early, but what sleep I got was quality sleep, Pain level is moderate this morning, Managing to stay comfortable, my breathing is a bit difficult, chest got very very tight last night, not so bad this morning,

Wendie should have been at work last night, but had the night off, that was nice,  

Delta politely (Not !) refused the attention of a Husky yesterday, She looked pleased with herself, LOL,  

Watched the TV news, I feel for the people of Japan, The casualty numbers are increasing, still can't get to some areas so extent of damage etc unclear, They have officially asked for international help now,

Also feel for the people of Libya, the Rebellion appears unfortunately to be faltering, It's time we the people of the world helped I wish millions of us could just go there and help by joining the protests, bolstering the numbers, and making it impossible for the current government to regain power, NO need for military intervention, just the support of world citizens, Neiave I know, but one solution, risky to those who go, but I really wish we could make it happen, for the people of Libya!

Well an eventful day, poor Wendie is shattered, and I'm having to fight the pain which has been welling up all evening,

Please don't think I'm whinging, I live with the pain, but it is a struggle, and there's lots of it, It's not always easy to be HAPPY about fairly constant chronic pain,

I liken the neuropathy pain to having Molten Lava or an Acid flowing through the veins in my legs, the burning sensation is OFTEN intolerable,

Another day survived, Another day to be grateful for,

Nights Sleep was rather broken, but comfortable, pain was up a bit after going to bed, but still got off ok, awoke this morning fairly comfortable, but breathless, am ok though,

Massive 8.9 Quake in Japan, Looks really bad, worse still the Tsunami that followed, swept EVERYTHING away, a second Tsunami may be coming, thoughts with all there, also the first Tsunami may hit the whole Pacific Region, Hope our Aussie friends are all ok,

Breakfast time, I need to keep my stomach in the style of life it's used to,

Pain levels today so far anyway are tolerable, I haven't done much though, have to start Wendie's dinner soon, at least standing cooking shouldn't be a problem today,

I hate the Internet, I keep seeing new TOYS I want but can't afford, been drooling over a Software Defined Radio, oh well maybe one day, after all not long had a new laptop, so I should be satisfied, but hey I LOVE gadgets  hehehe ! 

Delta the dog has been cuddling up with me most of the day, that's kind of comforting,

Slept heavily, unfortunately not for too long, oh well, also a bit sore and aching all over, at least the Neuropathy pains are minimal at the moment,  

Still considering posting my account of living with PTSD, I'll give it a few days, truth is I don't think anyone else is even reading this, yeah I know it's boring, but I needed a release, at times things were just getting too much, so hence I post my musings here, hey it's Cathartic right ?  

Living with PAIN really is a pain, and a lot more soul destroying than you can imagine, it creeps into so many areas of your life, Diabetes, day to day, is not such a bother, but the costs of poor control and it's side effects are often devastating, even if only emotionally,

Add them all up, with various other illness's, and life can become quite difficult,

Crying your eyes out, telling your adoring and adorable wife and soulmate that you can't cope anymore, begging them to end it for you, yeah I know, selfish, but sometimes, well sometimes you just can't escape the pain and the helplessness,

I wake somedays deciding I'm going to stop being a Diabetic because I don;t like it !  

But today, So far is a GOOD day, and I'm coping, today I want to carry on, today Life is a positive experience,

Well a comfortable evening, the pain has hung around, but I've managed to control it, so a pleasant evening with Wendie for company,

A while back, I started writing, what I hoped would become a book, but a few bad days in a row, and I as usual lost my impetus and couldn't get back in the grove,

It was about a real life incident 30 years ago while serving in the Army, I suffered PTSD and Depression as a consequence and was in hospital for sometime afterwards,

I doubt I'll ever finish it, but the little I have started, I thought of putting here in small chunks, I'll think on it !  

Well early start tomorrow, desperately need sleep, Goodnight,  

Gritting my teeth, and struggling to deal with the pain, Day hasn't really got any better, am alone too sop brooding a little, Sorry,

Not a great night or a great start to the new day, The pain in my legs is moderately severe today!

The pain came back, Not looking forward to the night,

I had hoped for another night free of it,

Oh well, Pain tells me I'm still alive!

She's Home,

Well they kept her overnight, prodded and poked, drained her of pints of blood so she'd have me believe, and then sent her home, not really sure yet as to why her heart was slow,

So tired and weary, but safely sat at home Hooray,

I'm very tired today, not slept at all well for days, but thankfully the pain levels have been pretty good again today,

So all in all life is good today !

They kept mum in hospital, no further news yet,

Goodnight at Radio Club, the new club website was launched, the presentation by Kelvin G4ZTD and Mike M6MDR went down very very well,

Only a little pain today, 

God Bless Mum  -  Sleep Well

Mum 74, went to the GP earlier, she's been having non specific chest problems for a while, Whilst there, they decided she was Bradychardic (Slow Heart Rate), and arranged for her to go into the local Cardiac Unit there and then,

I'm waiting on news, will probobly visit tomorrow if they keep her in, or later today, if they have finished prodding and poking her and finding out whats wrong! 

My thoughts are with mum

Well Good Morning World !

I had so little sleep last night, and I am so desperately tired, but other than that I feel GOOD !

Sometimes living with Diabetes is a real pain, and I often want to just stop being a Diabetic   ...   If only!
Peripheral Neuropathy, a side effect of poor diabetes control plays the biggest part in my life, PAIN, fills my world, but when you wake and there is NO pain that morning, then believe me you feel like celebrating, 

A friend, older than me, more advanced in the deterioration, had his lower leg amputated under a year ago, it got to him, He appears to be giving up, today I can fight, lets hope it stays that way!!!!!!

Today has been kind of good, except for the headache, which hung around all day, at least the legs have been ok,

So not to much to say, even sat watching TV    ...  An Adam Sandler film, I love getting a night off from the pain,

It's Radio Club tomorrow, Something to look forward too,

Vicki, a very dear friend put a ray of sunshine into my weekend, and my memory isn't good, but friendship and kindness I NEVER forget ! 

Awoke this morning fairly early, was Hypo, I had an horrendous headache, still haven't shifted it, still managed to go for Coffee with my friend John, we tend to have a weekly natter at the weekend, it passes away a couple of hours pleasently,

Want to do some more research on the family history today, but at the moment heads too bad to concentrate, I have eMails and PM's to catch up on too,

Sun is even out, it's been grey and dull last few days, 

The sun's going down, evening draws in, and I'm winning the battle,

The Pain has defeated the meds, 3 hours for next dose, trying hard to distract myself,

In a world where things sometimes seem hopeless, often there is a ray of sunshine, an act of Kindess and Love, the tenderness of a friend, the Good Morning Kiss of a wife, and suddenly, a Smile and a Tear shjare the same face, and the day seems warmer, lighter,  more palitable and comfortable,

Maybe pain wont suddenly disappear but bearing it that day becomes just a teeny bit easier, and maybe the sky seems to have less clouds hanging over you,

Life is about making the most of what you have, reality isn't always that easy, But right now I can conquer entire universes, because the love of a wife and that of a dear friend give hope that today IS worth living!

First post...

Things aren’t great pain wise here, I’ll cope, but it is dragging me down, It also appears that not only am I deteriorating, but I had a email newsletter from Diabetes UK there was a link to an article about Diabetic neuropathy’s, I appear to have symptoms of them all, not just some of the symptoms, but every single one of them for every type of neuropathy,

Don’t get me wrong I’m not panicking, I will see my GP and talk to my specialist too, but it is kind of a bitter blow, I’m having other problems too, so generally not much fun,

I also can’t get on with my writing, I’ve given up, I really wanted to get this done, especially if I am deteriorating as much as I think, I’ll cope, but it is getting harder to put on a brave face!

Wendie’s doing good , just working too hard as usual, Delta’s a nuisance so is Dayne.

Club isn’t a lot of fun either, I’ve been asked to give a lecture/talk on PSK31, it’s a mode of communications, used by Hams, it needs computers linked to radio’s and some very clever software, which I helped in a very very small way in the development of one of the programs we use.